And well, it had been nice
by rambunctious child
Summary: Astoria had had the horrible idea of sneaking out past curfew, just to run into things worse then Mrs.Norris. And after running into one Draco Malfoy, you can't expect things to remain simple for long. R&R
1. and well, it had been nice

AN*this is my first Draco Astoria fic. i'm really excited for this, i absouloutly adore this couple. It's told in Astoria's perspective, i tried to base it mostly on what she's thinking in the moment. Example you don't think, i was wandering the castle late one night, but more, please don't let McGongal find me i already have detention with her. I hope you enjoy, and depending on your response i either will or won't write a follow up. so remember to review people.

**disclaimer-if i owned anything belonging to the Harry Potter franchise i wouldn't be publishing fanfiction. i would be reading it for kicks to see what my crazy fans were coming up with without me.**

Oh, I really shouldn't be wandering about this late, I'm just asking for trouble. Now Astoria, don't get yourself all worked up, it'll only be five more minutes, just until I can clear my head. Then straight to bed.

Now let's see, that spiral staircase should be somewhere round here. Ah there it is, it's so difficult to spot in the dark. Well it probably has something to do with the fact were not supposed to sneak around in the dark now doesn't it.

Alright, tip toe, skip the rickety step. Nope, the seventh step's the rickety one not the sixth. It couldn't have been to loud. Left, right, between my feet. Nope, Mrs. Norris isn't here.

Now I can breath.

Just a couple more steps and I'll be at the Astronomy tower with the whole sky to myself. It'll just be me, the big dipper and Draco if I can find him.

"Astoria?" Looks like I have. "What are you doing?"

"I came to see Draco." Wait that didn't come out right.

"The-the constellation, not you…I didn't know you were here. I'm not a stalker." Hopefully that was an adequate enough rescue.

Well he's chuckling so that has to be a good sign…right?

"Why-Why are you up here?" May as well ask now seeing as nothing I say here on out will hurt me anymore then I already have. Besides Draco had been acting rather odd this year. Mind you it is still quite early in, but, still…odd. Perhaps he and Pansy are in a rough patch, they haven't been together all to much.

"Couldn't sleep." He shrugs. I can't see how he's having trouble getting to sleep, he looks absolutely exhausted. Pansy, as much as I hate to say it, isn't important enough to cause Draco this much grief. What if it has to do with his father? That sounds more likely.

It's been awkwardly silent for a while now, and I'm not all to comfortable around people in all honesty, probably why I spend so much more time with books, besides, we hardly even know each other. More, he hardly knows me. Pansy, being my elder sisters best friend is often over during holidays, or I'm dragged over to her house when Daphne's stuck with me, so I here a lot of Draco.

"I'll leave now. So you can be alone, I assume you'd prefer to be, better alone then in my company as Daphne would say." Oh goodness Astoria, now you have hurt yourself more then previous. Just turn fast, walk the first couple steps then run.

"I'd rather not."

"Rather not what?" Is, is he asking me to stay?

"Daphne's wrong by the way." I don't think he heard me just now, it had sounded a bit quite even in my head, so i can only imagine, but he thinks Daphne's wrong which means...

"Is,-are you asking me to stay?" I'm probably blinking like a fool, but most don't seem to be to fond of my company.

"Never mind, forget I said anything, your obviously uncomfortable."

"No, no I want to stay." Ohhh, that probably sounded desperate.

"Alright." He's smiling, well nothing outrageously happy, more like a twitch at the corners of his lips, but still it's a smile.

* * *

><p>We havn't been saying much really since I sat beside him, just sort of kicked our dangling feet around and Draco would make mhhhm and hmmm sounds when I'd point out a constellation. Although I think he's just trying to sound interested.<p>

"You said you came to see Draco, which one is that?"

"Oh, it's between the big and little dippers over there." I don't believe my pointing is helping seeing as he now looks completely and utterly lost.

"All that's between them is more stars." He stated rather bluntly.

"Well, yes, but see, when you connect them they make a dragon, which is Draco in-"

"Latin, Greek, I know." Perfect Astoria, just peeve him off why don't you.

"I guess you would, seeing as it is your name. People must tell you that often. It would get pretty bothersome, people assuming you don't know that already, and that your interested because it involves your name."

"Yeah, kinda like you just did." Well at least he doesn't sound annoyed anymore. I actually think I saw him smile again, if not it was defiantly in his voice.

"Yeah, like I just did." Alright that time I saw him smile for sure. Were drifting into silence again, but now it feels more comfortable. He's turned to scrutinize the space between the dippers again.

"I still don't see it." Oh, that gave me a start, it had just been so quite. Relax, he hadn't even been that loud.

"That's because you don't know what your looking for."

"Um, I thought we were looking for a dragon."

"Here, let me show you. Give me your hand." His hands are freezing!

"Your hands are freezing!" I couldn't help but let go, they were making my hands cold.

"Are they?" He questioned brushing the crook of my neck with that frigid touch. Ahhhhhhh, cold, cold, cold.

"Eeeep!" oh no, I did not just eep.

With a grin he started poking his icy fingers round that sensitive spot between your shoulders and neck, with me swatting his hands away.

Swat, swat, here's my chance, grab.

"Hahaha, I got your hands." oh no, no, no, he's pulling his hands back.

He ended up dragging me over to him until my grasp on his hands had me stretched across him.

I suppose I can give him one hand back, and so I did. Taking the other I pointed his index finger out and at long last showed him the constellation by tracing it out with his finger.

We spent a long time this way, sitting side by side, me tracing constellations out with Draco's hand, the forced, mhmmm and hmmm's now reply's of honest interest. And well, it was nice.

Soon the sun was rising and the stars receding, and yet there was his hand resting in mine, every time I looked down I slightly blushed, I could feel the heat in my cheeks, but I couldn't bring myself to pull away. Not yet.

"Astoria?"

"hm."

"How'd you know my name? When you came up here you rambled on about how you'd meant the constellation and not me."

"Pansy's over a decent amount of the time, being Daphne's best friend and all. Daphne's my sister." I was sure to label Daphne as my sister, for despite the last name the majority of people, majority meaning everyone, didn't think we were related, if anything they thought we were cousins. " Anyway she talks loads about you, really, she loves you."

"She just loves to talk." He stated clearly unimpressed with this new information, although I suppose I wouldn't enjoy finding out similar information under similar circumstance, or an circumstance for that matter. Other's opinions really get to me.

"How'd you know my name?"

"I know your sister, she pointed you out at your sorting." He remembered me from my sorting? That felt like forever ago.

"That was three school years ago, impressive memory."

"Oh, no. Not really. It's just near impossible to forget the fit she had when you were placed into Ravenclaw." From the smirk on his face I can only imagine that this fit must have been something else, even for Daphne's standards.

Things go quite again, and i turn towards the sunrise, were going to have to leave soon. I give our hands one last fleeting glance and with a sharp breath pull apart. I rest my hands together in my lap and...wait what had that been. WhenI took my hand back...there was somethingunder Draco's sleeve. It couldn't be...no. No

"Draco, cou-could you lift up tour sleeve?"

"Wha-why?"

"Can you lift your sleeve? Yes or no?" Oh no. No, no, no, no, no. He paused, he should have just said yes, he should have just rolled up his sleeve, because it should have just been nothing, but it wasn't it was something. I had to leave. Fast. Now. I should already be gone.

"Astoria, wait." He'd gotten up after me and had a slight hold on my wrist. No I don't want to talk anymore, I don't want to look anymore, but I guess I'm going to turn around and do it anyway.

"I don't want to talk to you anymore. Ever. Now don't follow me and don't call after me again." I took back my hand and ran.

I must have been running rather fast for my vision was blured. Nope, those were just tears. Wipe them away, I can't let anybody see, they'll just ask questions and I really don't feel like talking. I made it to a bathroom before I lost it and tumbled into a stall sobbing fresh tears.

* * *

><p>I missed breakfast. It was alright though seeing as I didn't feel like eating much. I was sopping wet with tears with only five minutes left to class and it was all because I broke a stupid curfew, to look at stupid stars and ran into a stupid boy who I shared a stupid night and held his stupid hand, which would have all been fine but it wasn't...<p>

because he had the dark mark, which was just plain stupid.

AN* whatda think? yeaah or mehh. REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW!


	2. the wrong choice

AN* alright Astoria is back by popular demand. i apoligize for taking my sweet old time, i recently had a lot of house drama to deal with. thank you all for all the positive feedback. Really it made my day. You all keep this up and i might even write you a third chapter.

to my faithful followers, Faleyn, MrsHaleee and desigirl97. This update's for you, the three who'll know first

SpiritedWind -i'm glad to be your favourite, i hope this helps you wipe away those tears

Bucky5-taking up on your advice, i have a chapter 3 planned, but it all depends on the response i get with this one

SnowflakeBeautiful- boom! i know, it hurt me to do it, but Astoria had to see it. she needs to know what she's getting herself into, because she is getting herself into ...something.

Disclaimer-please see chapter 1

**Chapter 2-The wrong choice**

Don't think about him Astoria, forget about Draco. Well this isn't going to work out is it. Now I'm busy thinking about not thinking about him. Just concentrate on the lesson…okay,even worse idea. There is no chance of that in a history of magic.

How could Draco get branded…why dose it matter so much to me, other then 'that' night we'd only ever spoken once and that had been all the way in my first year. He hadn't seemed all to special back then, so what was so special about him now? No, nothing was special about him, not since he got that mark, not after he sold his soul to the human carnation of the devil. Oh listen to yourself Astoria, he'd had that mark the whole night and the whole night had been brilliant. Until…well…you know.

Maybe he just made a bad decision. But this choice is going to shape the rest of his life, and there's no chance of escaping it. Once your marked your marked for life.

It doesn't matter anymore, I really should stop worrying about it. It had been one night, it wasn't as if something was going to come out of it in the first place, whether or not I had seen the mark things would have stayed the way they were. I mean, he has a girlfriend. I haven't even seen Draco since that night. I wonder if he's still standing where I left him? Oh don't be silly Astoria.

What's so funny back there?

Alright it has something to do with me since they tried to contain themselves when I turned around…what's in my hair? Is that…ewwwwww, they put gum in my hair. I thought Orla and Pax had had enough of that in second year charms. If I remember correctly that's how the Ravenclaw became friends with the Slytherin. I guess I'm going to have to pay more attention to them unless I want more gum in my hair. This lesson was a lost cause anyway.

"How long do you think it'll take her to get it out."

"Who knows, remember how I was telling you Malfoy's in the hospital wing" Draco's in the hospital wing?

"Oh, yeah, yeah."

"According to Parkinson-"

"The pug?"

"hahaha, yeah. Any way's, she say's Potter did it." When had all this happened?

"Harry Potter! No!"

"Yes, I know, impossible right. But that's what she said Orla, I heard her talking to Greengrass in the common room."

"Greengrass?"

"Daphne, she's in Parkinson's year and no worries, nothing like her sister."

* * *

><p>Astoria you are NOT going to the hospital wing. Nu-huh, no way. But…it'll only be for a minute, it doesn't matter how long, if I go I still would have gone. So if I am going I may as well stay a little while. But your not going. Maybe I was a little harsh that night. I hadn't even let him explain. What was there to explain though, he had the dark mark.<p>

UGH I'm so confused.

There's the door. I guess I already decided what I was doing. I made the wrong choice.

Well, I'm here now so, may as well.

Mmmm, the air smells so clean. Like bleach and hand sanitizer. Pansy could have been lying, I mean she's known to be a bit mellow-dramatic. Especially when it comes to her boyfriend. But, she had been talking to Daphne, which was always a reliable source, she never lied to Daphne. At least not with things she could figure out to be lies. Wait, no, there he is.

What if he thinks this means were okay now...because were not. Are we...? No, most defiantly not. He's a death eater, no, were not okay. So why am I even here? I really should go...now.

"Who are you here to see, before visiting hours are over, come on."

"Ummm" Astoria, say no one, tell Madam Pomfrey you were just leaving, you made a poor choice, the wrong choice.

"I-I'm here to see Malfoy." No, no, no, no, you weren't supposed to say that.

"Oh, honey he's asleep. If you'd like I can have someone get you when he wakes up." Tell her that's alright, no need for that, you shouldn't have come in the first place.

"That's alright, I'm fine with him being asleep. I'd like to see him now if that's okay?" Where did that come from!

"Last bed on the left." Well know I have to go don't I. Daphne's right, I shouldn't be a Ravenclaw. Look what I've gotten myself into. I only decided a dozen times that no I wasn't going to visit him because I never want to talk to him again, I never want to see him again...right?

Geez, my hands are so warm. No, don't even think about...

His hands are freezing...:)

"I knew it!" Who said that. Oh it's that boy Daphne's always pointing out. Blaise is it? "That sly dog, slinking around with a Ravenclaw. I knew that was where he was disapearing to."

He thinks me and Draco are...why would he...oh, right, you had to go holding his hand. So it's not just me Draco's been disapearing from. Maybe it has something do with...it has everything to do with. He's doing something for Him...I shouldn't have come here, bad idea...horrible idea.

"Unless he's doing something else..." Oh, Blaise had been waiting for a confession. Now's your chance. Tell him no. Let him find out the truth.

"Don't tell Pansy...please." What was that? Why are you covering his tracks? Blaise could have found out what he was doing and told. Why havn't I told...I mean I didn't actrually see IT, but it's there. I know it is. So why?

"Don't worry darling, I admire his cunning to much. Let him know he's got to clean up his act a bit. Pansy's getting suspicious."

"I'll pass on the message."

"Well, I've got what I came for. Til we meet again adulteress." Good he's gone. I guess this means I'm helping him. Absoloutly not, never I wouldn't, couldn't...but I did.

I helped a death eater...I helped a death eater...He's waking up. Better take my hand back. Maybe if I run he won't see me.

"You have gum in your hair."

"Wh-what." Drat, wasn't fast enough

"Here, I'll get it." This is so sureal. I'm sitting on the edge of Draco Malfoy's hospital bed while he attempts to scrape Orla's ABC gum from the back of my scalp. It's almost as though nothing happend. Almost.

"I thought you weren't talking to me?"

"Have I said anything...and no, this dosn't count."

"I thought you weren't looking at me again?"

"Am I facing you?"

"Then why are you here, other then to get the gum of the back of your head." I can hear him smiling, nothing radiant, just a twitch at the corners of his lips really, but still a smile.

"I wanted to know why."

"Why I'm in the hospital wing? That's easy, me and Potter got into a bit of a scuffle. I'm going to have to cut the rest of the gum out."

"You are NOT cutting my hair. That was one of the why's. What could Potter have done to send you to the hospital wing and how much worse did he turn out?"

"Do you plan on living the rest of you life with gum in your hair?"

"If it means it remains long, possibly. Now answer my questions."

"Potter's fine...for now. He used a spell."

"Umm, okay and?"

"Well that's it really, I have no idea what he used. I've never heard it before. Now what's the other why?"

"Why is your left forearm in it's current predicament?" I need to look at his face when he answer's this one.

"Is this a long, or short answer question?"

"Start with the short."

"I made the wrong choice." I can relate

"If it was the wrong choice, why'd you make it?"

"Because I had to."

"You never _have _to choose one. That's why its a choice."

"Then I guess it wasn't a choice then."

"Then what was it?"

"A death sentence."

"You lost me."

"I'm not going to be able to do it Astoria, He knew from the begining. Which is why He's making me."

"Why would he set you up to fail?"

"So He could kill me and my family. For punishment."

"You-you don't know that your going to fail."

"Astoria, the years almost over."

"I can help you...indirectly."

"What makes you think you can help me."

"I already have. One I haven't told, and Two, Blaise was just in here trying to figure out where you were disapearing to, he now believes your cheating on Pansy for me...and don't worry he's not going to tell her. He told me to tell you that you need to clean up your act a bit, she's getting suspicious."

"Your actrually serious...you really want to help me...why?"

"Your not the only one who's making the wrong choice."

AN*poor, poor Astoria. what is she getting herself into.

am i going to continue, will there be a third chapter...the choice is yours

REVIEW, REVIEW, REVIEW


	3. it's complicated

AN* i am sooo sorry this took so long. there is no excuse for my tardieness, although i'll be giving one. between cross country, work, a failed home inspection, packing...then having to unpack it all a loss of my muse and a laptop being kicked off my bed i've been a little preoccupied. Although there was plenty of procrasination atributed. honestly if it weren't for reviews this update would have never happend.

Special thanks to all of my reviewers on this one, really, you saved this fic.

**disclaimer-please see chapter 1**

chapter 3- it's complicated

Honestly, how does he expect me to help him if he won't tell me what he has to do, I mean not even a hint. Well that's easy isn't it, he doesn't want you to help. Say's getting involved is 'to dangerous'. What does that even mean 'to dangerous' this is a war, it doesn't matter what side your on, nobody's particularly safe.

Does this mean you've chosen a side then? No, I would never be on His side. Not even for Draco. No, I'm fighting my own battle, assist Draco in keeping himself alive...while opposing the Dark Lord best I can. But how good could I really oppose him. Even without worrying about whether or not Draco was breathing I still have to factor in family matters, such as fathers dark mark and our general opinion of the situation.

What does our general opinion even mean? Mother use's the term constantly. It isn't even true in the slightest for usually our general opinion is something I don't understand and Daphne can't be bothered to.

I'm getting off topic here. I'm supposed to be scoping the library for anything useful. There's plenty useful to be found in a library though, especially one as vast and prestigious as that of Hogwarts. So how I was supposed to chose only as many as I can carry was beyond me.

Madame Pomfrey refused to release Draco from the hospital wing, which I'm behind one hundred percent, but his confinement is rather inconvenient. Although it give's me plenty opportunity to help, which I like…but I probably shouldn't, it is slowing his progress. He really needs the sleep and food though, honestly how he hopes to accomplish this task, whatever it is, without eating or sleeping is beyond me. He's lucky he hadn't had to go the hospital already as it was.

It doesn't really feel like I'm even helping. All I do is run around the library for books so he can research whilst in the hospital wing and knock on the door to let him know when Madame Pomfrey's tucked in for the night so he can sneak out.

This is pointless, how can I make any sort of reasonable decision when I have absolutely no idea what he needs.

Restricted section. I wonder what's so restricted about it. I mean if they don't want us reading what's inside there why bother keeping them within the school?

"What you looking at?" I didn't think anybody else was in here, it is rather pleasant weather to be in a library.

"Oh….um, well, nothing actually, just…thinking. It's Jessie right?" I recognize him now, curly chestnut hair, brown eyes, that smile... he's a Hufflepuff in my year.

"Yeah…" Aw, poor thing looks a little lost.

"Were in the same year, I'm in Ravenclaw." Oh, he recognizes me now.

"I know, Astoria, you're the one Stewart shoots spitballs at"

"heh…yeah"

"I can't imagine why though, if I was him I wouldn't want to be on your bad side."

"And whys that?"

"Well…your smart, and very pretty." Oh goodness Astoria, stop it, your blushing like mad, and no shoes are that interesting…look up!"

"You also seem far to nice to have a bad side, which is a bit of a shame, I'm sure you can cast a marvelous jinx to straighten him out."

"Oh…I'm not so sure about that anymore."

"And why's that?"

"I've recently made a rather large mistake."

"What kind of mistake?" Oh no, I know where this is heading. Get out of here Astoria, before you ruin everything. "Don't worry, you can trust me. Hufflepuff's honor."

"It has to do with a boy." And you wonder how you get yourself into messes such as these.

"Well if it's just a boy."

"He isn't _just_ a boy" He isn't? "…it's a bit more complicated then that."

"Then make it less complicated."

Then make it less complicated. Make it less complicated. Such a simple, measly little statement, Jessie had hardly said anything really, yet…it changed everything. Why were things so complicated between me and Draco? Things really shouldn't be. I mean, the situation we were in was complicated yes but _we_ shouldn't be. I don't even know what _we_ were. What am I saying, he already is very much in a relationship, were friends and just that. That isn't complicated at all…but they never see each other anymore _because he's been busy _but not to busy to see me _but you know _exactly and Pansy doesn't. So he trust me, at least a degree more then Pansy, which must mean something. _Or he's just been using you all this time_. No, don't even start considering such silly notions. Entertaining such ideas will only end in disaster, Daphne has taught you at least that.

Make it less complicated…make it less complicated. You know what I think I will.

"Umm, Astoria…"

"Huh…oh, sorry, what you said just had me thinking a bit."

"Umm, well see when I first came over here it was because, uh, I was thinking that, if you would like to, would you maybe, possible, want to, uh, I don't know, maybe hang out sometime? Like a date?"

"Hang out…like-like a date date?"

"Uh…yeah."

"Um…I…I have to go." How can you be so cold, turn back around this instant.

"I meant-"

"It's alright, if you don't want to."

"No-no, I want to." I do? "I just, have to go make things less complicated first."

* * *

><p>Inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. Here I go, time to make things less complicated<p>

"Draco, you don't have to pretend to be asleep, Pansy isn't in here."

"Oh…."

"Why do you pretend to be asleep whenever she's in here?"

"Because she's going to start asking questions."

"So then answer them."

"It's not that simple."

"Why was it ever complicated?"

"It's Pansy, when isn't she being complicating?"

"If she complicates things so much-"

"Look it's complicated alright." He thinks I'm going to drop the subject...any other day I probrably would, something about what Jessie said,more how he said it...or maybe it was who had said it?

"Dosn't look all that complex to me. You avoid seeing her, you avoid speaking to her why waste your time being with her."

"Seeing as you know everything about are relationship why don't you tell me!" Good he's mad, at least I'm no longer the only one, oh Astoria that's horrible of you.

"It's because your a coward! Your afriad of her...you are aren't you!" That...was low

"Why are you suddenly so intrested!" But it's true, and even he know's it.

"So you are afriad, although I really didn't need to clarify."

"Just because your smart for your age dosn't mean you know anything, your just a kid."

"I'm fifthteen, your barely any older!"

"Age is just a number, I'm talking about maturity."

"Maybe I don't know anything because you won't tell me anything!"

"I shouldn't have to explain myself, nor Pansy, to you!"

"Oh, you don't need to explain Pansy to me. Everybody can see she's a bitch!" Oh my... I, I just swore. I have never, ever sworen before.

"did you just swear?" It can't have been that surpirsing...

"It was in proper context."

"This interogation isn't! Since when has any of this been your bussiness!"

"Since I fetched books for you! Since I helped you sneak out! Since I found out about that-that MARK!"

"shush...Astoria..."

"Oh, yeah and since I LIED for you! I NEVER lied before Draco, not before you!" You even have me lieing to myself.

"Funny, I don't remeber asking for your help! I never needed the books, I never needed assitance sneaking out, I sure as hell didn't need you to know about my mark and YOU...YOU NEVER NEEDED TO LIE FOR ME! I NEVER NEEDED YOU!"

"Then why'd you hold my hand?"

"Your the one who grabbed mine!"

"After the tow-"

"You sought me out...look, you'd said it yourself. You were making a mistake, things would be less complicated for everyone if you just went back to ignoring me."

"But, if you fail-"

"It never was your problem. You just made it your problem." Draco's right. He wouldn't have bothered saying it if he wasn't.

"I guess things just got a lot less complicated then." **and she left.**

AN* please don't hate me forever. they had to fight, see they can't be together during the war, and Draco is still dating Pansy...it's just really complicated, but if the public demands an encore i can properly wrap this up, with the nice gift wrap and a bow.

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	4. brilliant

AN*i apoligize for the lateish update. in my defense i did bring my laptop when i went camping with every intention of wrapping this chapter up, but i suppose i'm not nearly as smart as i believe i am for i uploaded this to fanfiction, deleted the file all ready to work ofline when it eventrually occured to me that, hey, there's no internet in east jesus no where. sorry.

SnowflakeBeautiful-thank you for the advice, gave me some great ideas for future chapters

rainbowspring- thanks for all the feedback, honestly. Astoria's babblings one of my favourite parts to, and I was rather shocked having Astoria swear to. it's just not her, she's far to nice.

emLILYEVANS-working on wrapping this nice for you, i believe i'm going to need some tape though, this story is proving to be more difficult to wrap then i thought. there's just so much that can happen from here.

SheWhoDreamsOutLoud-first of all, love the name. don't worry updates should be coming sooner, i shouldn't be going anywhere for the rest of the summer, at least no where without internet access.

to all my followers, you have one new message

disclaimer-please refer to chapter one

**Chapter 4-Brilliant**

Oh, this is to much. Just look at myself, I look just plain ridiculous. It's only a date, a first date, we're not even leaving the grounds. What if he's not even dressed up, like not in the slightest, and I'm in a dress.

I shouldn't have said yes. What am I going to do what am I going to say…I've never been on a date before, I'm going to make a complete fool of myself. What if he comes to his senses and decides he shouldn't have asked me in the first place, or worse, what if he try's to kiss me. I'll bonk nose's for sure, or do it all wrong. Or maybe he just thinks I'm desperate enough to fool around. Which I would NEVER, but, that means people think I would. What if he get's bored of me and just leaves. If he makes me laugh to hard I'll snort, then he'll take back what he said about me being pretty for sure.

And now your pacing.

"You nervous?"

"Why do you ask?" It was only Luna, she's so nice, super nice. I don't understand how people could be so rude to her.

"You look lovely." See, soooo nice, because I know I don't.

"Are you sure it isn't much."

"Oh, not at all. It's only a summer dress. You should take your hair out though, it's nice that way." See super nice, my hair's always an absolute mess, even without the gum in it.

"Okay, thanks." Luna was polite enough to give me advice, so I may as well be polite enough to take it.

Oh shoot, I'm going to be late. So much for being punctual, mother would be so disappointed.

* * *

><p>He's not here yet, he's not going to come. Relax, just breath, it's only been five minutes. But he had said to meet under the tree across from Hagrid's hut by the lake for five minutes ago. Perhaps he's just a little late, is all. Jessie wouldn't stand me up, that would just be mean. Daphne had always said I had to much faith in people, still he had asked me out so he clearly wants to see me. Maybe I just got the dates mixed up somehow, and this entire catastrophe was my fault. There he is. He's coming up now, see, just a little late, no need to over react. Wait…who else is coming? Had he meant hang out hang out? Oh no I'm in a dress. Okay, breath, it's just a summer dress. Nothing all to fancy. Let's see, there's Stewart, Graham, Pax and Orla. Huh, Jessie isn't with them, what are they throwing?<p>

Cra-splat, cra-splat, cra-splat

They threw eggs at me…don't cry, don't cry. Oh what's it matter now I already look like an idiot. I mean, I-I got all dolled up, an-and flust-flustered ju-just to be e-e-egged. And I actually thought…now I'm blubbering.

"Aw, what's the matter Tori? Date stood you up?" How can she just laugh in my face like that? How can Pax be so cruel?

"M-my na-name's Astoria." How I managed to choke that out between my sobs I'll never know.

"Well, Astoria, how does it feel knowing that your 'date' set you up?" Orla has to be lying, Jessie wouldn't.

"H-he would-wouldn't do that."

"And you know that because..."Honestly, what Stewart said wasn't in the least bit funny.

"I-it's hor-horrib-horrible."

"Have you ever considered that there are horrible people." Pax is-is...right. But why would people be so mean, why is she so mean? I wonder what happend. It could have been awful, has anyone ever asked her about it, she really should talk about it. Then maybe she wouldn't be so callous.

"I'm out of eggs, let's go." There's a rumor going around that Pax is dating Graham, there's also a rumor that she's only dating him because he's the only one she'll take orders from. As far as I know, Pansy's the only one who can boss Draco around. Maybe that's why he likes her so much, won't push over...

* * *

><p>Now I'm really a mess. It has to have been hours since they've left, but I don't feel any closer to being done crying as I did when I started. I should probably go back inside, I've already waited far to long to wash off this egg. OH I forgot about curfew! I'm in for it now. The doors going to be locked and I'll have to knock and be found out, then Professor Flitwick will be real disappointed, and I'll have to explain the mess of me. Then I'll lose us triple the points, as well as points from Slytherin. Oh, Daphne won't like that. I'll get detention for sure. I've never had detention before…ever. This will ruin my perfect record. All because I said yes, if this is what happens when I make the 'right' choice…may as well go knock now.<p>

They didn't lock the door? Peculiar. Maybe I will make it back to the tower, and I won't lose the points, or get detention, or disappoint Professor Flitwick, or ruin my record. Oh no, someone's coming. Maybe if I turn the corner.

Owwww, oww, ow, turned to fast. That corners so sharp! Am I bleeding...nope just pain. Leave it to Astoria to bang her head into the corner during her great escape.

"Astoria? Breaking curfew again." I do not want to deal with this right now. I'd rather be stuck in the middle of one of Filtch's rants.

"I'm not exactly the only one Malfoy."

"What's with the hostility." Oh he's right, he hasn't done anything today. I shouldn't be taking it out on him.

"I'm sorry, just, having a bad day."

"Yeah…heading towards one to." This is so awkward...how can we be so alright after the last time we spoke.

"Alright I'm just going to say it. Why are you dressed as an omelette?" Omelette, what is he going on about. Ohhhhh. Oh.

"Umm...no reason really." Don't raise that brow, don't raise...aw he raised it. Here it comes. The entire stories going to come pouring out now. 3. 2.

"It was a prank. Some people egged me, that's all."

"That's all." Sarcasim " Who would want to egg you?" Sincere

"Pax, Orla, Stewart and Graham."

"Did you at least let em have it. What hex did you use? At least tell me you said something."

"Well... not exactly."

"Astoria, you can't let people walk all over you."

"But, it wasn't there fault. I mean, yeah they did it, but, well. Some times good people do bad things, they make mistakes. I don't actrually know any of them. This is probably how they act out. It's not important."

"That's like saying your not important."

"Well-"

"Don't finish that sentence."

"Well, how can I hate them and not hate you. Your just like them."

"I would never throw eggs at you."

"But you'd throw them at Neville Longbottom, Hermione Granger, Luna? Any and all of the Weasley's?"

"That's differnt-"

"Maybe the names, but otherwise no it's not different."

"Look I have to go do something okay."

"What do you have to do that's so important?" And he thinks he's going to change the subject that easy.

"Same thing I've been doing all year." He's...tonight he's going to, oh, that was good.

"I-it...tonight. Do you have to go now...like right now."

"Well, that's where I was heading, yeah."

"Well, can you be a little late?"

"Depends, why are you asking?"

"It's just, well, you said that you were going to fail, which I don't think so, I have plenty of confidence in your success, but, if you don't. This is going to be the last time I see you, won't it."

"Yes."

"You can't just leave everything like that...I mean, who's Daphne going to cheat of off in Transfiguration. How will Gregory and Vincent do anything, and Pansy, she'll be lost without you." I'll be lost without you.

"Blaise will be happy to have Daphne cheat off of him, Crabbe and Goyle-"

"There names are Gregory and Vincent, if there parents wanted people to adress them as Crabbe and Goyle that's what they would have named them."

"Umm, okay. Vincent and Gregory will be fine. There not as hopeless as people assume, and Pansy will have no trouble moving on if only to spite me" What is he talking about "I dumped her...semi-publically."

"Wait, so last week your defending her and this week your humiliating her? Why are you going to so much trouble for her."

"Well I didn't want to break up with her, I had to."

"And you didn't have to last week, look nevermind. I'm sorry, I shouldn't be bringing back old arguments. Still, your doing it tonight, right. Your not going to die."

"But, that's it isn't it. I don't know if I can do it."

"Draco Malfoy, you listen to me. You have worked for to long, and to hard to not be able to do it. You are the smartest, most resourceful and cunning wizard I know. That isn't a lie so don't make that face. You are also one of the braviest, don't laugh you are brave."

"Any Gryfindor would have said no."

"Yes, you could have said no and avoided all this trouble and still have the same result, but you didn't, you said yes because you were brave enough to take the oppertunity, the responsibility, to save your family. Your brave enough to be the reason your all dead if you can't be the reason there all alive."

"But Astoria, you don't understand, you don't know what I have to do."

"Draco stop worrying..." I did not just cup his face in my hands, stand on my tippy toes and kiss his forehead. "You'll be brilliant." Nope, I'm pretty sure I did.

"Alright just promise me something. Next time someone decides to bully you, make sure they regret it."

"Alright." He might not come back. This is the last time I'm ever going to see him, ever. I have to stand up for myself now. If not for myself then because that's the only thing he's ever asked me to do. He's almost rounded the corner, now's your chance for any fleeting last words.

"Oh, Draco...don't kill anyone."

AN*oh Draco, what now. poor poor Astoria, i near cried writing it. her revenge will be quite wonderful to write as i hope it'll be as enjoyable to read. it'll allow the rage of my first dating experience to once and for all be realeased. no i wasn't egged, but he did stand me up, unlike Astoria though i cussed him out so bad he avoided as much as looking at me for the rest of the year.

what will the war entale for these '_just'_ friends? will this story make it that far? this stories like Tinkerbell, it needs your reviews to stay alive

REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW


	5. nothings changed

AN*remember last chapter, when i said reviews would be faster, more frequent...well...i lied. School starts in less then a week, which means that i am, and continuelly will be, preoccupied with track practice, work, school, God squad (its a community service thing) and possibly KEA (schools environmental group) as well. i refuse to give up on this story, but as my readers i'm asking that you won't give up on my story. please be patient with me, i promise i'll kill myself if i have to in order to force time for this somewhere in there.

this story needs a new title, suggestions will be well appreciated.

to-MarigoldStevens, Annabelleloves, mrs zhaila vale. for adding my story to your favourites, its nice to feel appriciated.

rainbowspring / MarigoldStevens / Annabelleloves / Bucky5 (great minds think alike ;) )- poor Astoria is right. i no i promised her revenge this chapter, which sadly it isn't, but it is coming and it will be grand. i have something in store for Jessie as well.

emiLILYEVANS- i'm glad Astoria's pre date behaviour was realistic. it was probably the easiest part to write, all i had to do was rethink being asked out, pace my room a couple of times then copy out the whirlwind that past through my head

to compensate for tardieness, it's rather long.

disclaimer-please see chapter 1

**chapter 5-nothings changed**

And I'm going to sleep…now. Now….oh what's the point I'm never going to be able to fall asleep. May as well wait around the common room until the rest of the student body catches whiff of what's going on.

Am I bad person? I must be bad of some sort. Daphne always said 'there were two types of evil in the world, people who did evil things, and people who witnessed evil things being done and didn't do anything about it' although I think she was just quoting her favourite movie. I know what Draco's doing is wrong, well actually I don't seeing, or would it be not seeing?, as I don't know what he's doing. But he's doing it for, you know who he's doing it for. Which means it must be at least wrong if not evil. So unless I tell or do _something, _which I can't imagine doing, I'm evil by default.

But Draco trusts me, and betraying Draco's trust would be just as wrong. So it all comes down to what's more important I suppose. Draco's trust in me or the possible fate of the wizarding world…well this is completely biased. It's not as though I can ask for a second opinion either, it'd defeat the purpose.

Why am I causing myself so much trouble. Draco said it himself, he can't do it, which means my knowledge won't matter because everything's going to remain exactly the same.

Except he'll be dead.

Don't you dare start thinking like that Astoria! You said it yourself, he'll do brilliant. But that's the problem isn't it! Either he commits some horrible crime of some sort, which I will forever be guilty of…some what, orrrrrrrr he dies.

I know the latter is worse, but I also know that the formers what's right too. That's a choice I can't make, and luckily won't have to. All I can do is wait and see.

"Astoria, what are you still doing awake? Are you just getting back?" I wonder what Luna's doing up? Well actually I guess it's not all to late, but it is past curfew and she is dressed as if to go out.

"I got back a little bit ago, can't sleep. Where are you heading?"

"Curiosity killed the cat you know." …..?

"Yes, I've heard bu-" she's left, that's so unlike her.

What had that been about? Curiosity killed the cat….this has something to do with whatever it is Draco's up to! If Luna knows then who else? Oh no, no, no, no. No! this isn't supposed to happen, there going to find him out. She, they, who ever and whatever, doesn't understand what there doing. Draco's going to be found and instantaneously fail his mission. There going to kill him!

* * *

><p>I thought I was done with helping Draco….oh would I just give it a rest. I already know I'm going to don't I. Alright, let's see. Stanley's bunks third from the door, which means his trunk is the one underneath the window seat. That's quite fortunate seeing as all I have to work by is moonlight. Now how to go about getting there?<p>

Tip toe…ninja roll, tip toe….ninja roll, I don't have time for this, ninja rolling is far superior anyway. Rolling, look left, glance right. Rolllling, look left, glance right. Rolllllllllling, ouch…nice move, roll right into the wall. It's okay, nobody say that.

Hmm, let's see what we have in here. Comic books, comic books, ewwwwwwww smelly sock. Aha, Weasley Wizard Wheezes bag, nope…that's not it. Oh I knew he'd have some! Peruvian Darkness Powder.

I can't do this…it's stealing. So now I'm taking my morals into consideration, and not when I was deciding whether or not to assist a

Death Eater? that's just so wrong. Well, it's not stealing if I pay him back later, right? That's good enough reasoning for me.

So I got the powder, which is great and all, but, how am I going to find Draco before Luna and whoever, if anyone, is with her, without crossing paths or landing myself in detention? This is going to prove difficult.

Tap, tap, tap.

Nashira what are you doing here girl? Wait…light bulb.

* * *

><p>Nishira you are the absolute greatest pet owl a girl could ask for. Had she not decided she was hungry for treats that very second it would never have occurred to me that, hey, post owls can sought out people with no difficulties what so ever. So if I let (owl name) inside couldn't she track down Draco as well? And all I have to do is chase her down the corridor. Alright so the last parts proving to be somewhat of an inconvenience, but it is better then aimlessly wandering throughout the castle. Oh I hope I don't lose her.<p>

Oh, darn it. Nishira, you can't just start pecking people in the face, most don't see it as a lovable quality. I wonder what he's doing all the way up on the seventh floor?

"Does this belong to you?" It was just a couple nibbles Draco, no need to sound so irritable about it.

"Yes, this is Nirshira. She was named after the Gamma star in the constellation Capricornus or Capricorn. Which, coincidently is her zodiac. Nishira translate to, she who brings good news, which I find to be snuggly fitting name for a post owl, wouldn't you agree?"

"Look Astoria, that's a really... metaphrastic name you've come up with there-" What am I doing wasting time, he needs to no now.

"Somebody knows!...and I'm not positive you used metaphrastic within proper context."

"What…who?" Oh, I don't want to get Luna into any kind of trouble, espicially seeing as Death Eaters are involved.

"Does it matter who? Look I brought you this."

"A rock…" He could look a little more appreciative, well, then again he thinks it's a rock.

"It's not actually a rock, it just looks like one. Its Peruvian Darkness Powder. You throw it to the ground and it'll veil you in darkness."

"I believe you meant _Peruvian Darkness_."

"That's precisely what I had meant to say. I know that's what you have to do."

"That what's what I have to do?"

"Kill somebody." ... "The necklace that cursed Katy. The Mead that poisoned Ronald, don't look so surprised I know about that one, if someone was in the hospital wing Tracy would know and therefore Daphne. But…who else would want to potentially kill someone in Hogwarts? I mean, before now, I never actually admitted it to myself because, well, there was no proof. And if I actually knew who did it and couldn't prove it how would anyone else? But it all was you wasn't it? And it was all very clever and rather cunning but in terms of accuracy pathetic…at least in accordance to your standards if Pansy's stories are any indication. If you wanted them to kill somebody you could have arranged it, if you wanted them to hit there targets you would have made certain they did. But they didn't…because you didn't want to kill anybody. I don't want you to kill anybody. I-I-I can't forgive murder Draco. Please Draco, please I can't… and I don't want to hate you anymore then I already do. Bu-but I don't want you to die. Yo-you ca-can ru-run away, you do-don't hav-have to, I mean, your-your smart…you ca-can figure something out right? …..Right?" Footsteps? No, they can't come now.

"Astoria, you need to leave."

"Bu-"

"Astoria, you have to leave, right now. Don't come back, and don't forgive me." Don't forgive, but that means he's going to..."Now Astoria!" Oh, right, people are coming. Fastest ticket out of here would be, down the corridor...opposite from where they're coming not the same! Now I have to turn around and run almost double the distance. What happend to Draco, he just disapeared? I'll worry about that later, right now I have to get away. So down the hall, slide down the railing, through the side door and your in the...courtyard? But I was all the way up? How? Oh nevermind.

What was I thinking pouring all that on him earlier? It's not as though I could have changed anything. It isn't as though I can change him. Where is all that light coming from? It's most definatly not a lumous charm, they shine blue not green...wait, green! Oh, it's just the Dark Mark...which means somebody's been...

...no, I can't change him.

AN*the entire peruvian darkness powder bit was in response to Ron wondering how Draco had gotten it because he was right in saying Fred and George wouldn't have sold it to him. i doubt Draco would even think of buying from there, he has to much pride, so Astoria just had to save the day.

this story is going to end up much longer then originally planned. i'm also considering a sequal set for a couple years after the books. there's so much empty space to fill between the end of the book and the epilouge. of course all of this depends on your response.

REVIEW! REVIEW! REVIEW! PLEASE I BEG OF YOU!


	6. change

AN*do to lack of a better title, it's going to stay the same for awhile, i have been super crazy busy lately and honestly can't remember if this update is late or not, so well...it's here now.

cheers and applause go out to the following

rainbowspring- you are always, always, always, the first person to read my postings, review them and follow them. seriously your AWESOME! not a word of a lie. your my biggest most dedicated fan! if i were to disapoint you, i'd feel like a failure bacause your half of who i write for at this point, because i no at least you'll read it.

Bucky5 & emLILYEVANS-the sequel would be set for after teh war, possibly by years. If you were hoping things would be simple for them in the futur, your sorly mistaken, but it makes for a good story :)

fencigfan-glad you like it, this chapter dosn't have much funny unfortunitly, but the next chapter should be better, thxs for the favourite!

akemithebazookagirl-thxs for the favourite

**disclaimer-refer to chapter one**

**chapter 6- change**

I-I don't want to go to school. I don't want to go, I truly don't! And that's awful because I always loved school. I guess its just another thing to be added to the list of what He's taken away from me.

First He takes away my perfect night! Then he takes away Draco with that dreaded mission! With that darned mission He took Dumbledore! He took all the trust Professor Snape had gained! He took my trust in Draco with that one, measly, impossible and not to mention completely cruel request! And now he's taken the only thing I can confidently say I loved! How could anyone appoint that man as headmaster, how can I hate him when he saved Draco? If it wasn't for his betrayal Draco would have had to kill Dumbledore, he'd be a murderer. Perhaps he wasn't a traitor at all. I mean what if his greater loyalties lied with Draco? He's only been Lucius Malfoy's friend since the dawn of time, and a part of Draco's forever. How long has he known Dumbledore? Oh what kind of an excuse is that! Dumbledore gave him more then any and all of the Malfoy's and there fortune. Dumbledore saved him from a lifetime in Azkaban, gave him a steady job, gave him a second chance, gave him trust. And trust isn't an easy thing to just give to somebody. Even more, there was a time Professor, no Snape, just Snape he no longer deserves the respect in the title, oh Astoria that's foolish, he deserves to be called Professor, if not for his character for his knowledge, but still there was a time in which Professor Snape trusted Dumbledore as well, and for a Slytherin to trust anyone, even themselves…it's monumental. I mean, Daphne trusts me more then she trust herself, and nobody would ever guess that because she knows how to sound so sure about everything to everyone, she says that if she can't convince everyone else she's confident how is she supposed to convince herself?

She and Draco are actually quite alike, prickly personalities, but there really not all to bad, I mean everything pricky is only that way on the outside. Like those pokey weed leaves.

So it doesn't make any sense that if Professor Snape trusted Dumbledore how he could just do him in like that? Unless there's more to it then that. Which I'm sure there is, because there always is. Besides, Dumbledore's a man with a plan, and Professor Snape has always followed those plans.

I really need to settle down, this is starting to sound like a conspiracy, besides were at the station now.

"Astoria, are you alright? You look anxious." Daphne notices! She hardly notices anything, I mean if I haven't already told her it's usually because its irrelevant. She's my older sister, and trustworthy or not I tell her everything.

"Oh, well, I'm just a little worried about the up in coming school year. I mean with the Dark Lord rising and all, things are going to be different. Really different. I'm…I'm scared." That's the hardly of it all, but its what it all boils down to.

"Well don't be, this is what we want right? No more Mudbloods! No more living in hiding being ashamed in who and what we are! Our people have been forced underground, figuratively and most literally, and your afraid of change! We need change!" We need to kill people?

"But, is this really how we should be going about it?"

"Your such a child sometimes, this is how things are done. Even if we didn't start like this it would most certainly end in this." That-that's completly and utterly true, but shouldn't we at least attempt to make peaceful resoloutions, I mean, have Wizarding society ever, in ALL of history ever attepmted it? No, of course not, so yeah, maybe attempting peace with muggles would blow up in our faces but at least were not going in for blood shed, because when you go in for that you lose sight of the goal. Things can't continue to work like that.

"You were right then Daphne, things really do need to change then."

Well, things are most certainly different, but, not exactly the needed change I had had in mind. The Slytherin's are still gossiping, but there aren't any intervals of snickering, or those notorious smirks, just faces etched with worry exchanging rumors of there parents affairs. The other house seem less interested in each other as they are in the Slytherin's. The division between the two groups has never been so notable, a once casual side step apart has swelled so large that if I were to stretch my grasp from one crowd to the other I wouldn't even be able to brush the other with my finger tips, even after I've stopped chewing my nails! Pax and Orla aren't even talking! Nor Stewart or Graham. They never used to care about house. What's worse, the way the rest of the school is glaring at the Slytherin's you'd think they were the Death Eaters, not the victims of circumstance they quite honestly are. I mean if you had to choose between your friends and family to your morals what would you choose? I mean, family come's first, always, besides, people often forget that not everybody can be brave.

Where's Draco? I mean, he must be here. Everybody HAS to be here it's the law! He-Who-Doesn't-like-his-birth-name-very-much-obviously, said so. Made the law himself through whoever the Minister happens to be, even if I did follow politics I would be lost at this point, we've had so many. So if Draco isn't here he's…but Dumbledore's dead. He didn't fail but…he didn't do it now did he. He didn't, he didn't which means that he failed, he failed! IT WAS ALL FOR NOTHING! Dumbledore died for absolutely nothing! I mean, if he understood the situation he would most likely want to help Draco, he was only a sixteen year old after all, and Dumbledore's all for helping those who need it, but it doesn't even matter, because Dumbledore's death saved no body.

Wait…nobody was saved.

…

No, just because I haven't seen him doesn't necessarily mean he isn't he, or won't be arriving. There's plenty of people to be between us. He's here, I'm sure of it.

Why am I even bothering with Hogwarts, there isn't much a point. Aha, what a day it has to be for Astoria to see no point in receiving an education.

I wonder what has the other students in my compartment so scared? Oh, that's Erica isn't it. Her brother had a huge crush on Daphne last year, which means she knows all about me and Daphne, and the sort of family we come from. Well I don't want to be mean and scare them, wow what a day it is, not only do I have no want to go to school but now apparently rather then walk all over me, people are actually intimidated by my presence. I'm not so sure I'm having such a terrific day.

* * *

><p>This must be some form of cruel, sick, joke. I'm curious to know how Orla and Pax managed to pull it off, wait there not exactly on speaking terms considering the fact that Orla's mother is a muggleborn and Pax is a Slytherin, even though she might not even be a pure blood the Slytherin tag has become more of a stereo type these days, this awful day. So it must be true then, the Carrow's are most certainly teaching classes this year. Muggle studies has become mandatory, I don't quite understand why somebody who hates muggles so much would include it in the curriculum but, I don't plan on blowing a circuit, trying to figure it out. Don't blow a circuit, Draco used to say that whenever I was in deep concentration, apparently I have a vein in my temple that pops slightly.<p>

I still haven't seen him.

Maybe I won't ever see him…

AN*i no, depressing, but well, that's how hogwarts became, so no worries, things are going to start happening next chapter, this was more to set the mood for this school year. REVIEW


	7. loud

AN*this is really long, so this is really short

disclaimer-please refer to the first chapter

Chapter 7- Loud

Settle down Astoria, just relax, nothing to be nervous about. So it's your first defense against the dark arts class with 'Professor' Carrow, and you haven't seen Draco yet. It's alright, it's all okay. Professor Carrow can't possibly do a poorer job then Professor Umbridge, and Draco's here. I know he is. He has to be. But, I haven't SEEN him, which means he very well might not be and that would mean he's… I really need to stop thinking about Draco; I can't be caught crying in my first class of the year now can I?

So this year we have defense against the dark arts with the Hufflepuffs. That's probably for the better, I've always liked classes with the Hufflepuffs, and if I'm sitting alone they'll usually let me take a seat on their side of the room. Laura Madley even lets me sit beside her; we share an inkpot on those days. And although she is using up my ink with her spelling mistakes, I don't mind all so much. But I'm not so sure if it'll be like that this year. I'm not all too sure of Laura's parentage, although Madley does sound familiar.

The rooms starting to fill up, class must be starting soon. "Laura, you're still going to sit with me?"

"Well who else am I going to sit with? Were the only purebloods in this class." I never knew Laura was a pure blood, and I don't really understand why that matters all too much.

"Why should that mean we have to sit together? Oh…and I'm not actually a pureblood, I mean I'm pretty close, my great grandmother was a half-blood you see, because her father married a half blood who was one because her mother was one and she was one because her father married a muggleborn."

"Why don't you go tell all that to them then." Maybe I shouldn't have told her my entire family history, I probably just made her feel more isolated then she already is. You'd think we had the plague the way the rest of the class has been sure to leave an empty desk radius between us and them.

"If it makes you feel better, that probably won't matter much to them. My father has the mark." I never actually told anyone that before, I mean, it wasn't as though I ever had much reason too and no one's ever asked, they just already assume. But, I don't know, Laura seems to have needed to hear that.

"My uncles got it…he took it so my dad wouldn't have, back during the first war. My dad says he was trying to keep him safe, for when He won. And now it's starting to look like he will." She can't have already lost all hope.

"Don't say that, there are very talented wizards on either side."

"What? Don't you want Him to win? If he doesn't you'll lose your dad, he'll be carted off to Azkaban!"

"Of course I don't want my father to be sentenced there, but, I don't want him to become a murderer either. If your uncle and my dad win, they lose." I gesture to the rest of the class with the last sentence, allowing Laura to get a good look around.

"I know, It's awful, but…isn't family more important? Either way people are going to die. They're going to suffer, why should it have to be the people I love?"

"Laura, if Vo…You-Know-Who wins, everybody suffers. Not just the muggle borns or the half-bloods, the squibs and muggles, but the purebloods to. Everything will be just as it is now. Everyone will be afraid, and lonely and categorized." Laura looks like she's about ready to cry and I feel about ready. I mean, my dad's got the mark, and all my uncles and some of their wives and my older cousins are probably preparing to get their very own. What if Daphne has to get hers once she's graduated, or when she first comes of age, or before that? After all it's expected that at least one member of every family is to receive it. Would I get it to save Daphne, like Laura's uncle saved her father? That isn't even a question. Of course I would, even if Daphne wouldn't necessarily do it for me…but could I do what it entails? I mean Draco couldn't and he ended up not saving anybody, and now he's dead and I need to stop pretending he didn't because all of this is real and that's scary. And oh my goodness I'm going to burst like one of those toilets in Myrtle's loo.

All the murmurings stopped, Professor Carrows here. Oh, good, I was about to lose it. I could use a proper lesson about now.

"I'll be needing a few volunteers." Isn't he going to introduce himself? The class? Doesn't he have a syllabus prepared? A text book to read? A title for my notes? This is NOT a proper lesson, calm down; he just has a more, laid back teaching style. How is he supposed to know what I want from a class if I don't inform him?

"I suppose you'll do."

"Actually, I was hoping to ask you a question."

"A …question?" Oh, he doesn't seem too pleased about this, best to be real polite.

"Yes, I was wondering what the focus of this particular lesson was going to be exactly and whether or not you had an outline planned for further study."

"I'll tell you what, why don't you get on up here so I can show the class something quick, and that should answer that little question of yours for you." In front of the class? Oh no, last time I had to give an oral report I threw up all over Pax, probably why she doesn't like me all to much really. According to her Boggart, it's her biggest fear.

"I'd rather not. But I'm sure somebody else would love to if they only knew what they were volunteering for." Perhaps, I shouldn't have added in that last part.

"Girl, do you want a detention on your first day?"

"No, of course-"

"Then I suggestion you do as your told." But-ugh, well…I guess its first year potions all over again.

"Yes, I apologize."

"Kiss up." Whoever made that jeer is being far more brave then mean, seeing as our Professor, and figure of authority is in fact one of the more aggressive Death Eaters.

"Now, if you'll just stand there looking nice and pretty I'd like to demonstrate to the class a rather, interesting, spell. Curcio." OH MY GOD! Thank the good Lord I managed to get out of the way. I'm almost positive I wouldn't have managed to block it with just any old counter curse. "You are a teacher!"

"Are you raising your voice to me?" YES!

"You are a teacher, the authority figure of this classroom, and you're using unforgivables! On a student! That's against conduct! And this is your idea of a practical lesson! Your introduction to the course! This is ridiculous! If I must be here, I may very well at least learn, not run around dodging hexes!"

"Just who exactly do you think you are?"

"I am Astoria Greengrass, and yes he is my father. But who my father is or not shouldn't have anything to do with the measures of guilt and regret you ought to be feeling set in about now."

"Crucio!" That one hadn't missed.

When you grow up around the sort of people I have, you get told stories of how it feels to be under the Cruciactus. They come up with some pretty ridiculous stuff. But I now understand that it's really not all that insane. There weren't pools of blood encircling me, or splintering bones just pain. In reality all it does is hurt.

All you know is hurt. All you see is hurt; the pain can be found behind your closed lids. All you hear is pain, in the form of some foreign ringing in your ears that you only recognize as your own scream far afterwards. It's easy to see how people go crazy from such a curse. It's like the Dementors, who carry depression with them wherever they roam. This spell only leaves you with pain, and like that of the Dementors, its presence if too long, lingers.

It probably was only half a second, but it felt like a whole other life. And when the curse ended I was born into a new life. A life with light, and humming sounds that don't hurt your ears, and other feelings then hurt. But the hurts still there.

My head is pounding, my ears ringing, my throat dry and raspy and I'm shaking…whether it's from the trauma or my sobbing I don't know.

"Anyone else have something to say?" He is not a Professor! Even Professor Snape deserves more credit; he would never harm a student.

Everyone's still staring at me, sniffing and wiping at my eyes beside Laura, who every now and then hands me a tissue. She doesn't say anything though, she's afraid to. Class is over. Laura's being so nice, packing my bag for me and carrying it to.

"Come on, we should probably go see Madame Pomfrey." Did Laura just say we?

"We? As in the both of us? Me and you, you and I? Together?"

"Well, yeah. I'm taking you. What kind of friend do you think I am?"

"I don't think your a bad friend, I'm sorry if you thought that's what I was implying, but, I didn't know you were MY friend."

"For a smart girl, you can be pretty dumb sometimes." Way to go Astoria, loose your first real friend opening your big, fat, rambling mouth. "Relax, I'm only kidding, now come on let's go, or do I have to carry you to?"

* * *

><p>Madame Pomfrey is so nice; she really didn't have to let me skip out of Herbology. I honestly would have been fine…I'd just be shaking and my eyes would be all puffy and I maybe would have cried…alright, so I really had needed to sit out, but now I'm a whole lesson behind. In a class I actually really like none the less, and on the year of my OWLS. Oh, and if I don't hurry up I'm going to miss lunch to.<p>

"Astoria! Get over here!" Daphne sounds…different. "What the hell happened in Defense against the Dark Arts?" She sounds; no she can't actually be worried? Can she? "Astoria, oh my God she must have gone mad she hasn't started stuttering yet!"

"Daphne, I-I'm fine, honest." Ow, not so much anymore, no need to hit.

"That's for scaring me half to death! I thought I'd lost my crazy little brainiac sister! What were you doing! Yelling at a teacher! You practically asked for it!"

"He is not a teacher! He's a monster! Using the Cruciactus Curse on a student! It's against the law! ...isn't it?"

"Well not anymore stupid! Leave it to my sister to grow a spine the year it'll get her killed!"

"I'M SORRY THAT EVERYTHING I DO CAN'T BE TO YOUR CONVIENCE!" Woah, someone's moody today.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm not perfect!"

"Well obviously!" Ugh, Daphne's can be such a- what am I doing? This morning I decide I'd take the mark for her and now I'm yelling at her. This is such a waste of our time, and giving the current circumstances we don't exactly have time to waste.

"…Daphne, I really don't want to fight. Can I sit with you at lunch today."

"Ugh, Astoria, lunch is almost over, " _please, please, please_ "and nobody's left in there for me to talk to," _please, please, please_ " and I'm full, and-…but if you're hungry."

"Okay, let's go!"

Food taste a thousand times better when you're hungry. Why don't people just wait till there near starved to eat? Then everything would taste so good! But, then you'd be malnourished and stick skinny, and possibly dying and all sickly looking. Maybe it's better not to have, this is so good cuz I'm starved, food all too often. Daphne was right, there really isn't anyone left in the Great Hall. Laura's probably already left for class seeing as the Hufflepuff tables near empty, we have Muggle Studies together to and Astronomy! There aren't too many people left at the Slytherin table either. Just a group of giggling girls on the far end, a huddle of second years more towards the middle and Pansy who, surprise, surprise, is fawning all over some-"DRACO!" oh, that was really loud wasn't it.

AN* do we hate Malfoy? yeah, somewhat, don't worry me to. sorry to leave you hanging like that, this was getting wayy to long though. guess you'll just have to wait. ahaha arn't i just bad


	8. alright, sure

AN*it has been far too long, and for that i apologize, and i do hope you all havn't given up on me. i will finish this. this story will go through Astoria's fifth year and finish with a chapter or so on the final battle. I am planning to, from now on, update once every two-three weeks.

WhenTheMoonShines-i have! and will continue to. Thanks for the favourite!

Flan303- the wait is over!

rainbowspring-I'm glad you like Astoria's view on everything, i imagine her to be a very objective thinker, and yes things are interesting in deed, oh and Laura's from this story!

To all followers and to those who have favourited i thank you!

discliamer-i don't have time to write one, this post has taken far too long as is.

Chapter 8-

Well that got his attention… as well as everyone else's.

"Astoria, you're alive! Congrats. Daphne had a near panic attack looking for you…don't see why though, if you were _my _sister I'd be giving Professor Carrow a pat on the back." That-that, what a horrid thing to say. Even for Pansy. Daphne looks, less then impressed, to say the least, to say the most she looks like as though she's about to rip her best friends head off.

And this conversation would be much better discussed as a whispering cluster rather then shouted down the length of the table so that the entire hall is given the opportunity to hear.

"I didn't know your were coming back this year?"

"No shit he's come back this year, law says he has to" I don't understand it, her mother taught her etiquette, Pansy should know not to interrupt, because know Draco's decided to go and not say anything.

"I meant, I was worried he'd be, unable to." I hate it when Pansy gives me that look, makes my face burn up faster then a shooting star, which is a poor name for shooting stars aren't even stars at all, they are comets. Comets are chunks of dust and ice which fly through space, usually orbiting planets, and they appear as shooting stars when they get pulled into the Earths atmosphere and start burning up due to the speed and heat created from being pulled into the Earths atmosphere. "I'm glad you're here." I hope Draco knows that by here I mean alive, not just here like at school.

"Same here." Oh good he gets it.

"Yes were all very glad Draco's here, at Hogwarts." Does she really have to sit _that _close. It's a little impractical, how is he supposed to move his arm around to do anything. …I never knew he was left handed, I guess she can squeeze in as close as she wants to. Not saying she should, I mean she really shouldn't. There's no need for it.

"So…your going out again." Things just got rather quite, I hope I didn't sound bitter.

"What do you mean, again?" What does Pansy mean, what do I mean again? Oh she looks angry, the table has become rather interesting at this point and I'll be answering Pansy's acquisition to it.

"I-I was told- I ha-had heard, over heard really, th-that you had, you were, broken up." Oh now she's really angry.

"Who the hell told you?" I know she's only whispering, but I swear my ears are ringing, and I really wish she wasn't leaned in so close for now I must look her in the eye.

"No-nobody, in particular." oh, that was a horrible lie. "It had been semi-public, had it not. I'd just over heard it as it was circling around."

"Semi-pub…only three people know!, well apparently four, because Daphne can't keep her big, fat, lopsided mouth shut!" And when opportunity knocks…

"Oh, how rich coming from the gossiping queen." Daphne answers.

"Oh Daphne, Daphne, Daphne, is that jealousy I hear?" Pansy really shouldn't be egging Daphne on, otherwise they'll both go broke paying off the swear jar.

"Poor, naïve Pansy, thinking I'd be envious of nothing more then a skanky, pathetic, bitching slut." That's one, two, three, four times five…twenty knuts into the curse jar.

"Am not! Draco tell her- where the hell did he go!" Wow, okay, wow! Just, mind blown, I mean, with Pansy coiled around his arm to! Just, poof, gone.

What is he doing with Pansy wrapped around his arm anyway? He lied. He's a liar. He told me they'd broken up, he'd told me it had been public, well he'd actually only said semi-public, but surely that's more then three people! Oh, we never did specify did we? And so they had broken up, but, but, but, why does he like her! Oh I'm whining like a child and it's giving me a headache. If all I'm doing sitting here is mentally whining and third wheeling a petty argument, the same one they have…well not to often but often enough, it would probably be better to disappear as well.

Oh where am I supposed to be going? It's in here somewhere, aha, alright let's see. Monday, lunch then… NOOOO! Potions with Slytherin! How ever am I supposed to pass my OWL for the class when I near failed last year without taunting; as it was a Gryffindor class, or the pressure Snape implements with just that stare. Maybe I should ask about tutoring, I'm sure Professor Slughorn wouldn't mind all too much. I might not show much promise in potions but perhaps if Professor McGonagall or Professor Flitwick put a good word in, I know he doesn't like to waste his time on 'invaluable' students. What determines a students value anyway? Life is valuable, so how can Professor Slughorn determine any student's existence worth more then that of another's? Maybe I should just get a student tutor, Professor Slughorn probably wouldn't find me all that special anyway, nor quite worth all the effort. Maybe Laura's decent at potions? I wouldn't want to ask to much from her though, maybe I'll wait a week or so before I ask.

The dungeons are such a miserable place, it's always either far to cold or as it is now, quite muggy and humid, the air usually smells moldy to, and it taste stale. Perfect environment for an imp actually. Last time I encountered an imp, it tied my shoelaces together as I was about to go down a stair case. Horrible prank

"You escaped!" Imp! …oh it's only Draco.

I am not letting it go this time though, I refuse. I will not sit, or walk, around not knowing why Draco likes her. "You told me you'd broken up with her."

"And I did."

Well yes but- "Not publicly! Semi-publicly, whatever you call it. If Daphne's the only one outside of the actually couple to know!"

"Well, we both know she can't keep her big, fat, lopsided mouth shut, it would have gotten around." We both certainly do not know that.

"Daphne's mouth does not fit that description, because it quite clearly didn't get around."

"Yeah, well there wasn't enough time for Daphne to let it slip, we got back together." Not enough- how quickly had they gotten back together?

"So why would you break up with her just so you could start dating her again?"

"Because I had to break up with her." No one _has _to break up with somebody, well they do if there abusive and such.

"No you didn't!"

"Yeah I did! I failed, I should be dead." he didn't want to leave Pansy alone…that's so thoughtful, stupid, but thoughtful, which is why I don't understand it. Pansy wouldn't do something like that. Would she?

"Isn't Pansy supposed to have found someone else in spite? Shouldn't she hate you? You humiliated her, even if it were only Daphne as witness, why would she want you back?"

"What's your deal with Pansy?" She killed my teddy when I was six.

"She is mean."

"So am I." N-well, yes, quite.

"Not Pansy mean! Why do you like her?"

"Were not honestly having this conversation again are we? Why are you making it your business? Just drop it okay." I wasn't going to drop this.

Oh no, it's Jessie.

"Why are we hiding." Oh…Draco's still here, perhaps I should have let him and Pansy lived happily, or unhappily, ever after.

"_I'm_ hiding, you have no reason to."

"And you need to hide becaussssssse?" Draco should take his own advice and drop it.

"You shouldn't worry to much about it."

"Is it that kid." How'd he know! Ugh, yes, I did deserve that mental face palm, he's the only other pedestrian in this corridor.

"n-no."

"Who is he?" Don't tell him, don't tell him.

"Jessie Smith." …or just go ahead and tell him.

"And what did he do?" Arranged for me to be made into an omelet.

"No-nothing…" You will not tell him, even as he's raising that brow you will not properly answer Draco's question. If he doesn't want to explian things to your, you don't worry about explaining to him. "Well, he asked me out once last year, and he kinda sorta…didn't come. But it's fine, absolutely and positively, I'm over it in entirety." Lies

"Which is why were hiding behind a suit of armor." Oh, there he goes with the eyebrows again!

"Noooo,…it's why _I'm_ hiding behind a suit of armor. Your just being vexatious." Oh good, Jessie's gone.

"Yes, vexatious, obviously. …I'm that quite often" AHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"It means annoying." AHAHAHAHA!

"Oh…HEY- I AM NOT!" Oh, it hurts…too funny!

"Fine then, now your just being puerile."

"You know, people might like you better if you stopped making words up."

"I didn't make it up, I swear it on mine, Daphne my mum and daddy's lively hood I didn't." He doesn't believe me "It means childish."

"I knew that, I was just testing you." Alright, sure.

AN*please review! you wouldn't want me to not update for another eternity would you?


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